31 May 2006
Just wanna say m feeling damn sick when on my way to school this morning. Stressed, next two weeks gonna be busy due to school work. Argh, dying to work, m running out of cash, haa... Off to complete my homework, doubt 've any time to mug, sigh.
Take kaiire everyone
Happy 3rd anniversary to my bloggy. =) Ooo~ 3years I've been keeping a blog...
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:52
30 May 2006
The following explains why m just not in the right mood to go school this morning:
1) I still overslept for 9am lecture
2) M getting old, my memory wasn't that good as before
3) I couldn't find my school shoes
"Late is always better than you don't turn up" this is what we're always told by our taxation lecture. How true it's. So I thought is nothing a big deal if I'm gonna miss the 9am lecture and just go for the rest of lessons of the day. But when I was about to get out of the house, I couldn't find my coin purse which have my ez-link card and house key inside. I spent quite a long time busily searching for it and finally I found it on mom's dressing table. Found it, grabbed and go, I couldn't find my school shoes. And I starts to get so pissed off. After searching for quite some time, I just became so furious and seriously speaking I feel so much wanting to yell at my MOM. None other than her 'll touch my school stuffs. I decided to head to her workplace.
Me: Mum, where's my school shoes
Mum: I placed it at the usu place
Me: No, I didn't saw it
Mum: Oh... get a new pair then
In my mind, I feel so much wanted to tell her, take a look at the time. No shop is opened yet.
Me: Is still early...
Mum: Nvm, I'll go back and take a look
I just walked off, and looked up... she's coming down from the escalator.
Me: Sigh, is okay... go back to work eh?
Mum: Then what you're gonna wear
Me: I don't feel like going to school any more
Mum: Can? Your exam is round the corner?
Me: *Thinking, of course can but I can't afford to miss lesson* Yep, next week?
Mum: Nvm, I'll go back and take a look
I feel so useless when I saw mom running back home from work. And I've a premonitor that she could find it. And yes! She did... and she was like questioning me back "What's this?" I was left speechless totally.
Come on reader, make a guess where exactly she HIDED my school shoe at. She used my brother sandal to overlap my school shoes, and what should I comment this time round? "Fuck! Whats the hell she's doing that?" or "I'm just stupid?" I felt so frustrated that I just threw my shoes in the middle of the living room [Yes obviously m throwing tantrum like a 3years old kid] and down here to pen this DREADFUL DAY down. I had never came across such a bad day for ages. Damn it, is really damn it.
Lately, my days weren't that good. There're lots more happening around that I just don't feel like pening it down here. Sigh...
-What exactly went wrong with me?
Another day of depression
I hope I'll luv myself more
09:01
29 May 2006
Anger is just gonna be momentary, stop isolating myself. More over is over such a small issue. M gonna be fine after a jog this evening eh? Shall off for a shower and start my revision. I believe we'd be fine soon.
-Depression
M feeling whole lots more better. Should blog something pleasant this morning. Haa, met up with Elson and he was wanting to give us a treat. Actually I wanted to give him pay one, but I feel bad on the other hand lah. Haha...
I reached home, when I'm on the stairs, a kid aged around 3years old asked me where I'm going to. Haha, I told him m going back home and asked him back when he's going to. He said to 199? Haha, weird, but he's cute eh?
I hope I'll luv myself more
15:19
Everything went wrong and it seems so wrong between my closest girl, JJ and I Have I done/said anything wrong? Why the conflicts between them seems so much like conflicts between she and I? How hurt to read her smses:
"I felt so hurt when you girls always talk among yourselves" I wanna let you know, we don't, we really don't.
"Jialin, so much so I wanna adapt w e rest. U knw i'm closer to ya =) doesn't matter, I dont wanna get involved w u gals le. Jus a few mths to go & u gals stil like tat.Hau old me on train jus nw, she's reli concern abt our frenship. Ba! Ba!
"'Have I done wrong? If I've shutted my mouth just now, all these couldn't be happening? If leaving you alone 'll be much more peaceful for you in school, then alright, i'll stay away from you girls. I really don't wish have to see anyone being left alone, that's why I'm with her.Tell me what should I do, so that everyone 'd be contended w one another? She cares about the f'ship, so do we, we care about the f'ship too.
I don't deny that I doubt what Hau's said. She said she care about the friendship, then why is she picking on her? Against her everytime ?
I hate myself for being so deceiving towards my true feeling yet I hate myself to show attitude to my mom. I've got to control, control...
I hope I'll luv myself more
14:57
I skipped the test, perhaps... I should even skip both lectures, it's just a waste of my time. Or I shouldn't 've go to school this morning. Seriously I do not know who I've offended this whole morning. Ever since I stepped out from the bathroom, mom was showing me that kind of pissed off look. And I was like, isn't there another bathroom behind?
I always thought that only work there 'll be conflicts. But now even school, kakis has conflicts over one another. Damn it. You fucking hell open up your big eyes and read clearly:
Hau - I just wanna let you know, during lecture I was the one who wants to go to the ladies and not her. I'm the one who asked her to accompany me, NOT the other way round. Yes I'm troublesome, but say me please, say me please. She didn't offended you but why are you treating her that way? It hurts you know? It hurts... I'm fucking hell sorry, I should 've went to the ladies myself, myself. Who's the one not waiting for Alicia? What did you answered when I asked you "wanna wait for her". You said: "She always wait for Amanda, very slow etc... " and when she questioned you why didn't you wait for her, and you just blame on us? Who's the one who always walked off when I waited for her? Who's the one who walked off from the LT leaving us behind? You don't even wait for JJ. FUCK... Please, Alicia's your friend for years, our friend for a month. You should be telling her clearly, to prevent all these misunderstandings.
Valencia - Please kindly check it out before you accuse me, it hurts, it really hurts.
JJ - I know ever since you has some misunderstanding with Doreen I've neglected you. But you've to understand that if I'm not with you, you still 've the rest. But if I'm not with her, she has no one. You get it? No one's willing to accept her characteristic, so I've to. Reason is very simple, because we're a group. Is just another few more months to go, and I really hope that we're still working as a whole group. And not into two. I'm sorry if I had neglected you too much.
I'm tired of all these. I wanna be alone... You fucking hell, get lost n leave me alone
-I need a puff...
I hope I'll luv myself more
13:26
28 May 2006
I suppose to do some mugging before turning in. But look, m down here to blog once more after I catched the programme showing at 10.30pm, "Z century". Maxel and Gazel's came from such a wealthy family. Gosh. They learnt piano, violin, badminton, gymnasium, ice-skating, dancing. Even both their elder brother and sister. And to add on, the mom's the housewife and all she has got to do is to pick them up from classes to classes. And look, that's what I wished to be in future. I had the same thought as their dad's. "You'll never know what's ur child potential. So you just give them everything that you'd afford. As they grow, gradually they'll know what they're more interested and talented in. And that's when you ask them to drop the others." Ice-skating coach of their came from HK and he said: "A good teacher will never just want their students to surpass one another but also to surpass the teacher" and that reminded me of my cello teacher, Mr Ji.
Mention about him, there's this upcoming Singapore Youth Chinese Orchestra concert on the 10 June? Damn it, I forgotten the details again. Haa... anyway m so afraid that I can't make it. As m having a CA on the 12th? Alright... I should promise to mug as hard as I could starting from Tuesday. Tomorrow m going out with Kel for shopping. And I think we'd just 've our dinner over there eh? Haa...
M so afraid that I won't be able to post this yummilicious cake from Jo's for my bloggie 3rd anniversary... so here it's.
It 'd be whole lots nice w/o the white background eh? But aniwae, thanks. Is nice...
I hope I'll luv myself more
23:15
Is 12:00am exactly eh? M waiting for Sundae to arrive. Actually I've nth to pen about. M I really looked so lian? Why everyone's calling me ah lian? So what with the tongue piercing? Is no longer on the trend eh? M wanting a tattoo, what design's on e trend? Should be going with brother n friends. =) How true I realised myself that I can only stand the smell of cig when I smoke. Haa, actually m a social smoker as well as drinker.
Gonna 've a hot shower before doing anything. Pretty moodless and reluctant to do anything. It was a kind of relief that I didn't clear all the clothes from sis wardrobe. Otherwise, I'd be ending up clearing the wardrobe for my elder brother to use. Having a obession in designing my own blogskin. Haa, but I doubt my ability in doing so. Haa =) Alright off 've a shower @ 7:57am...
M getting fatter after this nice, enjoyable weekend. Haa, m sleeping and eating like a PIG. So m gaining weights I suppose. I thought m gonna be as hardworking as the previous week that m managing both study n work pretty well. I think I know what's gonna stop me from snacking, that's to keep myself busily occupied with things to do. Yepp, that's should be the way yeah?
Mom commented on something about me, and that really turn me off. But well, is that fact that she stated. Haa, regrets... Anyway, m moving to my mom's room. Yepp m gonna sleep on the Q size bed with her. Oh well, I think I'd prefer to sleep on the single bed eh? I guess m gonna be slapped by her a couple of times in the middle of the night. Haha... dad as usual 'll be sleeping in the living room. Well, some people are weirdo. =)
Alright... I swear m gonna mug now...
-the nitex owl as usu...
Thx Valencia for helping me in the CIP. Be it you manage to sign for me or not. At least, you bother. And it must be a tiring day for you, rest early. Muack...
I hope I'll luv myself more
00:03
27 May 2006
Is 2:52am right now, just finish washing up =) Feeling duper worn-out. I think m over-eating for these few days. Is horrible... m going for a jog tomorrow evening if m not working. Sucks... and again I'm predicting that m gonna suffer from gastric once more s I'm gonna stop myself for the way that m eating my snacks... puke!
I've got to rest early and move all my things from brother's room into mine. I think I should really throw away all my sis unwanted clothes so that I can store all my not-common-use things in it. Hais... tired.
Alright, I just woke up at around 4.30pm. Damn it. Lots of things are pending for me yet... sigh. Here to say m getting pretty well with my second brother. Haha, that really makes my mom's life easier. Hurhur...
Dying to catch a show tonitex, who's interested?
I really get so pissed off by friend's testimonials. Damn it.
-Everything is so unlike the past. But at least you show, you bother n care.
m alreadi contended
=)
I hope I'll luv myself more
02:55
26 May 2006
By right the DS session was suppose to be costing lesson but ended up Sim's played the ice-breaking game with us. At first Jing's and I thought that we were in the wrong classroom. Alright, got to know quite a few of their names. Luckily went to buy my breakfast, cheesy cum sugar spreading, nice n yummilicious! Accounting lesson was so bloody bored. I think the class should be spilt for that lesson as some are faster, some are moderate, some are slow during the tutorial. Sigh. Headed home, just finish doing my laundry, aching all over the body. And I really dislike mom to question me "why do laundry"? I replied back with: "You're duper funny, you complaint when I don't do my own laundry but when I did, you asked me again why didn't I do all". As usual that m gonna say, she don't understand me at all. And I sincerely beg her, constantly reminding her that doesn't means weekend drawing nearer means I'd be free. I'd even be much more busier as I need to finish up all my revision before I head for work.
-Pissed off
M feeling duper bloated since I bought some snacks back home this afternoon when I was like duper hungry? And now, listen up what I've ate this whole day...
Cheese w sugar spread bread
3.75 packets of cheezels
Mini honey star [all thanks to Alicia who brought us back to our childhood by bringing honey starts to school that morning]
Dinner
2 pies
Is a lot s compared to my daily meal. N is rare that m craving for snacks for the past few weeks. Perhaps m too stressed up, haa... that's what I usu do. Anyway, I think I should buy 'em something before they moved house. Cuz Khim's actually given me lots of reference books for accounting. That's pretty much useful... Alright, lil' Bernice requested to chill out later at PM. M duper tired, but it's my promise to her n Kel that we'd meet out soon. So m going out later, can't wait to meet you babes up. Hees...
I think I should get mom the voucher for the pedicure. Madness. For this moment she'll be asking me to accompany her down, for the next she'll say is expensive. Hell... I can't afford to waste my precious revision time for the sake of her lah. Humphf!
Who's interested in watching Poseidon, Da vinci with me?
I hope I'll luv myself more
15:05
25 May 2006
I overslept this morning, all thanks to my mummy for yelling at me only at 8am when I told her that m setting off at 6.30am. Alright, Mrs Tan predicted that I won't be going this morning, so forget it. Fucking hell hate Sim's cuz she's using the DS to conduct lesson. **** I thought I can sleep an hour more for tomorrow lessons but she messed it up.
My mp3 dropped on the bus, thanks Kakis for telling me eh? Otherwise I'd be searching like hell. Heh2. On my way back home sms my brother asking if mom's wanna join me for lunch. Here sms session went:
Me: Hey you awake/asleep. Mummy cooking?
Bro: Awake, I don't know you call back home, m outside
Me: Ok, thanks aniwae
Bro: Fuck you
Me: **** la, next time you don't ask me a single shit
Bro: Sorry la...
See how rough his language is when he's talking to me.. sucks..
He's my fucker brother n m his sucker sister. We're rocks eh?
Loving one's to see him being blessed
and surrounded him are happiness when he's with her
not asking him to wait alone when I don't even know an answer myself.
I hope I'll luv myself more
13:53
24 May 2006
School hours was duper long this morning. Feel so tempted to skip lectures since tutorials had already covered all that. Is duper bored, especially costing lecture.
I saw Sidah when I was boarding the MRT when m on my way back home. She told me so much about Angel's [my friend in CT ITE] life. I had a great sympathy for her after knowing so much of her life and her brother. Sigh... but m really proud to 've a friend like her, cuz she's now the supervisor of Mdm's Wong pub, hurhur... I should really find one night to look out for her there. Is the promise that I promised that night when I met her at orchard, she was drunk eh?
-From you, I learnt that I can nv doubts anything unless I give it a try
n believe that we'd create million of possibilities when it seems impossible
Trust is what we need in ones.
I actually fallen asleep infront of the com this evening and I took a nap. But not for the few hours that m sleeping down there, cuz it isn't comfortable at all. I wanted to sleep, but I overheard the conversation dad has with mom in the living room. Fucking hell, threaten again? Fuck off, by all means if you wanna sell away this house. Is not outta there we've got no place to stay at. You said we're all useless childs, then you? How great 've you been a dad? You're ending in this stage is all thanks to what you've created. You don't even give my mom a single cent. You don't even appreciate things that she has do for you. What more you gonna ask from her when she had already helped you up with all the utilities bills at home? And you'd use your hard-earn money to clear up all your credit debts. What's more? What's more you want? Who's really driving one's to the death end? Is you, the bloody dad!
-I hate to say all that, but you forced me to.
Too much, you're too much!
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:15
23 May 2006
Guess who I met in school this morning? A lecture whom I've been chanting not to see him in school. Oh well, I've to add on... I met him but I manage to escape but not this morning. And yep, I was behaving in a sarcastic way. There Mrs Tan added on "She's a good girl". There he goes his usual doubt "She good girl meh?".
Costing class. Oh yah, I overslept this morning so I missed my tax lecture. Ya, costing class Mrs Sim was asking kakis JJ why she was absent for the whole day last Thursday.
JJ: Overslept
Sim's: Why overslept, you working uhh?
JJ: Ya, working
ME: *Foot head* You working meh?
All grinning
Sim's: Really or not, how come all your frineds laughing. Like that how can I believe you.
All laughted
JJ: I working at C&K
Sim's: What time you finish work, shouldn't be too late
ME: Ya lor, you think you working night shift like me ah? *Witchy smile
Sims: "Yah, unless you're working at pub those until mid night is different
All laughted again [I don't know what's so funny, but they did laughted]
Lalala I forgotten how was the conversation, but Sim's did commented that my attendance is much more better than her and of course m flying high up the sky.
Lunch was so... unpleasant?
Accounting class was duper good. Just feeling a lil' too cold. N I should really bring a jacket to school on Tuesday
Alright, the below is actually I wanted to blog about for today's entry.
Journey back home with kakis JJ and is really sickening of her to ask how's he. N I was like why mention about him again? So I changed the topic to Kakis YY and she knew about it. She changed the conversation back. So I told her, I told her... till now I still do not know how she knows about all these when she don't even know my page. Alright, is pretty sad to tell her e all the facts about us
I realised why m I feeling so darn duper sleepy s I popped in panadol during accounting class. Alright, I think I should take a nap of 2hours before mugging.
I hope I'll luv myself more
16:35
22 May 2006
I thought I'd like to post an updated entry but I realised is already quarter pass 12. So a new entry for the week. Meet Kel for dinner last evenin and went for a lil' shop. Bought lotsa things n spent quite a lil'. M dying for fragance collection out of the blue. Hur.. having lots of things to buy in mind. Alright, enough of having all these wants. Days n nights, m still having headache despite of infinite panadol that I've popped in. Should I consult a doctor? Hell... is like a waste of time s well s money.
Is late but I still 've to mug a lil before turning in. 9am class... hopefully m not gonna be late.
I've got to add on, my brother accidentally burnt 2 small tiny hold on my adidas jacket. Yes old friends of mine might think that I've scolded him like hell, but I didn't. I just told him 'bout it, and given him a smile. Afterall, he don't do it purposely right?
I think i'll be ending up crying on my bed over this great pain instead of mugging. Hell.
`Updated_
Think I've been spending quite a lot since this month, alright... I should do less shopping, less hang out/chilling out unless is with babes, cuz they're just different. Other than that, I think I should really mug mug mug and mug and still mug non-stop at home. I wanna secured at least a GPA of 3.8 at the end of this course. As for wanting/wishing/capable to get into poly, all these should be decided again at a later time.
I bought the eternity for women, is darn duper fragance to me. And I bought one minature from Missha too. Hurhur... both of these cost me 100 over bucks. Heh... there're lots more that I bought. I've finished up my pay. Hurhur... enough of all these temptation. Alright is late, shall stop here.
I was thinking of going to work on Thursday night too. Since it's a short hour school and late start for Friday class. Hmm, in two minds. But m telling myself... since by working 2nights/week is sufficient, I shall not torture myself eh?
...Fickle minded, e sales girl commented
-Busying with school work.
I hope I'll luv myself more
00:09
21 May 2006
I'm a blogger freak, hurhur. So is impossible for me not to update my daily thoughts. :)
Work was so darn heavy, imagine a daily of 13K target we made it to 23k? I was asked to be in the line doing the labelling cuz of that idiotic princess and bitchy were on leave. Sigh... and I got so many cuts on my hands. Sobbies. Weren't feeling well these few nights while working. Thursday was feeling duper tiring that I requested to go back home at 6am instead of 8. Friday was feelin so dead beat that I sat down and work. Last night was feeling so giddy and again, the stupid headache is killing me. Popping down 6 x.panadol has been a duper long time since I did that. And now, m feeling duper cold when the weather out there is like sunny? M feeling sick...
Alright, I should be glad that I saw her taggy. So m out for dinner with her, tata ~
I hope I'll luv myself more
17:05
20 May 2006
Lately, I've a strong dislike to the word "If"...
I shouldn't 've went to work last evening, s I nearly knocked down by car which is about less than 3m away, yes... is that near. Gosh... and the bus that I took bumped towards the bus infront. N yes, I hurted my right hand. I guess it was an internal injuries cuz somehow, I feel pain... A kid aged around 9-11 fell down and was badly injured. Damn it... And there's this sudden thought about me not having a chance to meet him again, m such a idiot. Now I realised, if I were really badly injured during that incident, or even knocked down by car, the last few mins of unconsciousness, he'll be the one who's gonna be in my mind, that's undeniable.
I hope I'll luv myself more
09:54
19 May 2006
By right should be reaching home at 8.30am instead of 6.30am cuz m feeling unwell. That's why got back home earlier. N now `m having headahce, damn it, is killing enough when panadol don't even heals e great pain. But still m going off to work since I'd be busying preparing for test during June.
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:09
18 May 2006
20me/Chanellookaway.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting">I think I won't be wanting to update my daily entries over here for a short period, unless is special day. Overslept in the train, this time round I'll not want to take the risk to walk from simei again, so I took train back to Tanah Merah. =) Was late but better than letting her to 've an impression of me not going for her morning class. Alright, m back home pretty early. But just how I spent my whole afternoon chit chatting with mom in my room again. Hell, waste of a whole afternoon. All thanks to her for bringing me the cookies in (cuz I told her I've not had anything since dinner last night) she's kind of worried, at least cookies filled up my empty stomach. But I actually feel like vomitting, practically nowadays I can't eat much. Hmm, is a good sign anyway. Hurhur. N m darn shitty... I haven't finish my homework n I saw the standby for tonight message from baby. So m off to finish it up.
Take kaiire everyone, n yes m saying... m gonna miss lots of you.
my twin sister, we look so much alike... hurhur.
miie...
I hope I'll luv myself more
17:35
17 May 2006
My thoughts...
No matter what, I've got to find the right mood to pen down all these thoughts that 've been in my mind for a long time. Alright, I've got enough of regrets.
What's the charisma you've got that makes me so crazily in love with you. And till date this feeling has never fade, not even a little. As days passes by, more n more "if only" popped out of my mind
if only i've not asked you out when m feeling low
if only i've not went over to your place
if only i've not drink with you
if only I've not dozz off
if only I've stopped you
if only I've not been so implusively
if only I've been decisive
if only I've been serious
if only i've said things more clearer
if only i've made things more understandable
if only i've not been so naive, so gullible, so silly and so stupid
if only i've not been thinking, missing and loving you so much
if only there wasn't so much of 'if only'
i'd not ''ve been such a loser, a failure like what i'm now.
Remembered how we first met each other
Remembered those late night calls you used to call
Remembered how sweet those smses were
Remembered the night I spent over at your place
Remembered how you keeps me warm when I'm cold
Remembered how you showered me with love
Remembered that smile in your face when I opened up my eyes
Remembered how cute, how silly we argued
Remembered that afternoon you came over
Remembered the horrible laughters of your's
Remembered the dinner we had together
Remembered your unbearable expression
Remembered how those smses melts my heart that night
Remembered how silly of you of wanting to wake me up in the morning,
that caused you not dare to rest when you're running fever until I picked up the call
Remembered how terrible sick you were that make my heart so heart ache
Remembered how I used to take care of you
Remembered your non-stop of whys when I asked you to sleep
Remembered how I make you stop talking and sleep
Missing your smile
Missing your smses
Missing your calls
Missing your voice
Missing your whys
Missing your hugs
Missing your kisses
Missing your morning calls
Missing out hang out
Missing our past.
Regretted to 've deleted e sms that you sent with a "muack"
Regretted to 've deleted all your call records
Regretted of not saying "yes"
Regretted to 've let you waited for so long
Thinking 've you fulfilled al the promises voted
Less gambling
Less smoking
Less drinking
Less hang out till dawn
Less spending
Our promise
No matter what, we'll never lost in touch, n we'll never forgets one another
My promise
I'll study hard
I'll not go on diet
I'll take good care of myself
I'll be here for you whenever you needed me
So much of..
if only
remembered
missing
regrets
thinking
promises
All I've remembered, what about you?
Remembered you called and said "Yes I can't forget her but I still wishes to be with you"
Remembered you called and asked: "Why are you pushing me to other girls"
Remembered you called and told me: "I'm fine, don't worry"
m so lost, confused n contradicted, what should I do?
Give up or to wait
If time could be rewinded, what 'll I choose?
Be your girl, take care of you and love you for who you're
or
not to 've know you
N what about you...?
... don't thanks me for loving you for so long
... for this much
... thanks heaven for giving you such a great charisma
I hope I'll luv myself more
22:31
My plan wasn't like this, I was wanting to mug before blogging. But I just can't stand myself. I've got no idea at all what's biting me. M not feeling good at all since this morning I was woke up by mom to school.
She was the one who walks into my room in n out last night that caused to me turn in at around 11.30pm. N I did told her that I've got to leave home at 6.30am this morning, but see what time she woke me up (7.10am). Yah yah, I've got no right to blame her, so I didn't. Thanks girl for covering up by telling Sim's that I went to see a doctor this morning. But is just so obvious that she don't believe her at all. Yes, m problematic student, as known by Mr Hari's. So the next thing that screwed my day up was when we were going for taxation class when JJ was telling me that Hau's told her a funny story. Please girl, is not a joke. N m darn disappointed with you when you questioned me why m I being so close with Doreen. N be it you're kidding or what, you shouldn't 've added on that when I'm with her, you felt left out by me. Sigh, just how hurtful it's. No one really understands her, n more over, can all my mature beloved kakis be more nicer to her? She just broke off with her guy, n more over... she's more emotional type. Can you girls PLEASE, YES M BEGGING, M SAYING PLEASE be nicer to her. // Taxation lecturer sucks. Why can't you realease us earlier? N do we really 've the right of saying we do not want homework? Pissed off. I'm really dying for more revision why can't you give me? N you jolly know well that other classes has moved on to the next topic... and we just finished covering the topic this afternoon. Argh... madness. // I was so pissed off that I can't be bother about my "friends" behind, Alicia, Hau's, JJ. I was walking so darn fast to the bus stop. N yes Hau asked me where's JJ n I realised that she's not with us. Fuck, why didn't I wait for her? // At the control station I was telling Alicia n Hau's to leave first. Cuz I've got to buy standard tix s I left my ez-link card @ home cuz overslept, in the rush. So... N guess what Alicia told me: "Iya, for the sake of reaching home 2mins earlier to rest, we'll left you behind meh?" And that's when I woke up from my pissed attitude. Reached home n saw my bed was not tidy up, n I get so mad. Argh... why can't mom help me to tidy up for one day. That's the disadvantages of doing your own basic household chores yourself. I learnt. After coming out from the batheroom, m feeling whole lots better. Cuz I was thinking there must be a reason that why didn't she tidy up for me, perhaps... she's unwell again. But I was wrong. Hell, that's why I ended up blogging before mugging. Shit.
Alright... YY a duper long entry ehh? :) specially for you de hor, make sure you read finish all.
To add on, I really love to be A.L.O.N.E. I dislike all the conflicts so so so much, anyone knows? Doubt.
Moodless, lost appetite. And m such a pro. Each time m overslept, I always think of their morning calls,
that included your's.
I hope I'll luv myself more
17:29
16 May 2006
Alright, m happy because CA has been postponed. That should be the way. Actually I've got nothing much to update 'bout anything. Hmm... study in school 7hours reached home still 've to mug until dozz off. Argh... can't stand it. Hees... =)
Edited
Sis went for her operation, she said is pain.
Alright Kakis YY don't say I just blogged one para, now I added a few. Hees.
I hope I'll luv myself more
21:19
15 May 2006
Out of the blue, I can't concentrate on my revision. Cuz m thinking of you, yes you again. (not thinking much, just thinking over what you've said) e promise will it be fulfilled? Alright, make sure you won't be forgetting me, n no matter what, we won't lost contact, yah? I don't know how should I do, or what should I say that would cheer you up. Perhaps, I've not yet understand you well bahs. But no matter what, always remember I'll be there when you need someone to confide to. I might not be able to help much, but at least, I could share your worries or burdens with you. Remember okies? Aha, I hope I really 've the time for you not for just one meet out but more than that. Don't say m asking for too much okies? Haha, m missing arguing with you. Hurhur... nighty guy.
`Updated_
First n foremost, m late for costing lesson. (Cuz was having gastric the whole night. Parents all sleeping like pigs. N I ran out of my med, argh... see when m free to visit the clinic again. N phlegm in my throat, is making me to feel more breathless, lost appetite) N I really feel so bad if I just walk in the class when I'm already half an hour late. So I've decided to stand outside of the class see if she paused for awhile n i'll just sneak in. But in e end, I stood down there for the other half an hour, darn it. So m telling myself if i happens to overslept for her class again, I'd rather... sleep a lil' while more. Both lectures this morning were duper bored. N I think I'll understand if I just read it up myself. Idiotic lecturers... I think I know the topic better than 'em, especially costing. Accounting, a surprise test. Really darn surprise. I've never learn net loss before while doing the appropriation account n yes, it happened. Hell... I gave up. What to do? N what a lecture she called herself. I think as a class, it's only fair if everyone's going on the same pace bahs. Why did they manage to get all the revision papers over the long weekends, n not us? Sigh...
Gonna be a busy week for me... mug3
`Updated_
Stupid brother why can't you pay your own hp bill yourself since you're going out. N for heaven sake, m your younger sister, how can you ask me to pay for you first and you said you'll transfer it back to my bank account, but the fact, you don't 've the money to return? Hell, i'll not pay for you until you give me your card, m not such a stupid larhs. Wed m paying my sch fees nehx, idiotic.
Friday is a school holiday for me, so m dying to go back work on Thurs. Hurhur... N I thought I'd be going for a job this evening but it seems like m a pig to take a nap of 3 solid hours n landed myself just finished mugging. N off to wash up n mug again
I hope I'll luv myself more
00:33
14 May 2006
Is Sunday noon, m getting so lazy to mug but to pen down another entry after so much thoughts infront of the computer.
I took quite some time reading back the past entries, the blankco entry that I've mentioned to let go everything and I meant it. But why m I once again waiting for miracles, n silly thoughts of waiting...
Mom's came back n stood outside of my room with a cake in her hand with a Happy mood. And there, it ends my thoughts above. Shrug... Thanks the lady boss of mom's that makes her so happy each year. Evening out for dinner with parents. Hopefully sis is tagging along, cuz she's a mummy too. Hurhur...
Alright I've got to shower n mug before celebration. M such a good girl nowadays... =) *Blush
How much better life would be if we were given an eraser, erasing all the unhappiness
Not only girls are petty, even guys too.
Dad's was commenting on how nice of being a mom gonna be. Be it mom's birthday or mother's day, mom always has got the celebration. Someone please tell me what to do.
Tomorrow schooling, feel so tiring now. Argh, hopefully meeting my nephew to school. Alright, everyone out here reading, pray for me that I won't overslept.
I hope I'll luv myself more
13:39
If only I could turn back time
If only I've not let you waited for so long
If only I've the right to care for you
If only I know what's on your mind
If only there was not so much of "if only"
Those days before we drifted apart
before our distance amplified.
before our distance amplified.
I still remember, I really do, but do you?
Inexplicable, these rememberings never failed to bring forth that smile on my face and would it fail to evoke that tinge of bitter intriguing pain in my heart.
My hp had never been so silent and dead every now and then. There would occasionally be this sudden urge to refer to myphone - as though hoping for some miracles or perhaps just someone's message. But nonetheless, disappointment will only swell in me. Every single night, you're the only one whom I only wished to say good night.
To what more could I do but to stand in a distance away, indulging in my own delusion, wishing for too much? What's more could I do but to wish you happiness and bliss? What's more could I do but to only send you a good night message everynight before I turn in? I don't expect a reply, I really don't. Simply, I just want to wish you good night
And always remember I'll be there when you need someone to confide to. I might not be able to help much, but at least, I could share your worries or burdens with you. There's a probability that the oppressive truth might just one day strike me telling me that we are only a fewnotches away from being strangers. But hey, we are still friend, aren't we?
I hope I'll luv myself more
12:25
Is 2:57am, m darn duper sleep but is Mother's Day, I wanna tell my mummi I loves her. Hees. Last year I rmb I did wrote something for her in my blog. Haa, this year, no surprise. M saying all those usu things all over again.
Mummi, life would be tough w/o you, I experienced it just for a week, a week. Sometimes, I thought it's gonna be nice if you gonna be away to M'sia. At least I'd have some peaceful time at home. No one yelling me up early in the morning, no one urging me to bathe when m back home from school, no one asking me to eat my dinner when it's only 5pm, no one reminds me to that gastric haunt me if I skip meal, no one brining in medicine with warm water for me when m terribly sick on bed, no one covers me well with my blanket when m sleeping like a pig, no one closing the window for me when it rains cuz only mummy knows that m afraid of lighting, m afraid of thunder, this much that I'd even cries late in the night in mummy's room even when I'm already 19. No one is out there to hug me when I cried secretly each time when m hidin in the dark spacious room, only you. N only you're able to make me say out what i'm crying over. No one can ever tolerate my attitude forever, other than my beloved mummy. Mom, you saw... how important you're to me? I promise n I swear I'll not throw my tantrum n showing you my attitude no matter how unhappy I'm over school work, or everything... including... your nagging... I should always know, mummy cares 'bout me, n she loved me too.
Although is not a special day for me, but m having one wish, just one wish... wishing that my mom's health will be better s she gets old each day.
Lastly, Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers in this whole world.
I hope I'll luv myself more
02:59
13 May 2006
I should 've wake up earlier just to watch more episodes of Da Chang Jin. Dad's coming back pretty early, so I think the most I could only catch 3 episodes. Alright better than nothing. After which guess m gonna mug mug mug... till evening and hope there's work. =)
Lil' Bernice I misses you girls too.
Aha, dad just came back so I watch 7episodes instead of 3. Hurhur, all watched before. Wasted my 5hours of precious revision hours. Anyway, another standby day, so sians. Whatever it's. I gotta finish up my revision, mug3.
I hope I'll luv myself more
11:34
12 May 2006
I can't help but to blog this entry down when I was reading my horoscope for today's.
The Bottom Line: Try not to let future events cloud your judgment today. Instead, live in the moment. Detail: Some big plans for your future just got finalized -- you're excited, and you should be. Ride this feeling for as long as you can, but don't forget the benefit of living in the moment. retting about the demands of tomorrow is a big waste of time. Instead, be grateful for what you have and for what you can count on. People have come and gone in your life -- look to those who have stuck around and shoot them a sweet, gushy email to let them know they're important to you.
Yes m telling girl that is the first time that I feel pain for the tongue piercing. Not in great pain or I could endure the great pain. One good thing about the tongue piercing is that, I don't have to haunt for the hole when putting back the barbell, it just went through the whole itself. Taking out the barbell, saw how my tongue spilt a lil' really looks darn alwful. But on the other hand, I really hates to be regret. So no complains any more.
N yes friend reminded me of my good kakis in class, JJ n Doreen. Alamak, some misunderstandings larhs... I don't know why things always turn out to be like this. N I really feel so torturing to be in the middle n surviving in a group of 6 when 4 [exclude me] of them don't really like her. Sians, indeed they're not the kind of friends that I could hangs out with. I so wished to get out of this fucking hell school soon. As close as we may seems, deep down... no ones ever know that we'd be backfired by anyone in the group.
I hope I'll luv myself more
19:47
Morning! Is a darn duper nice sunny morning so I've decided to get my clothes washed up and hang it out on the bamboo stick. =) After taking some med, m feeling much more better. Thanks mummy! I had a weird, frightening nightmare. Scared me off! Humphf... ! Alright, offline to mug hard hard, hopefully to chill out @ PM tonight with babes. I misses them so much.
I shouldn't have acted that way
Mom was calling for dad's yet he's not giving a damn to her. So I went towards her and she asked me to bring a small carpet for her. House phone was ringing and dad has got no reaction to it, so I went to pick up the phone. It was my stupid brother friends calling him to go out again. I really dislike all his friends so much! They don't have to work, they don't have to earn a single money for the house, but my brother has to. In addition, not only he has got to help out, he has got his own debts to clear up too. So fucking hell stupid idiotic friends of his, please stop calling him out late in the night just to drink and talk craps.. especially telling him that you misses your ex whatever fucking hell much. Back to mom, she was asking why did I took so long. I just couldn't help to throw the carpet on the floor and tell her that I'm on the line just now. And I just walked off to catch my Da Chang Jin DVD. N m saying it, is darn duper long. I miss the TV episode. S I only took 2 episodes to watch Chang Jin grown up than the DVD spending 5hours n 15mins to watch her grown up. That's gone my whole afternoon. But I think is a way that I reward myself for mugging before playing/watching show.
I'm so sorry to mom. Yes she's out with dad's. That old man [30bucks back from brother, 50bucks gone to dad]. So m gonna have my dinner before mugging again. Not too late that m staying up just to mug.
Tata @ 7:23PM
I hope I'll luv myself more
09:07
11 May 2006
Couldn't sleep early these few nights due to flu. And so sickening I couldn't wake up this morning for my taxation lesson though my mom did call me up for school. Feel so sick to go school but still I went and I was late for Costing test. Yes yes, I commit silly mistakes again. But I just can't be bother to check. m weak in figures. Back home accompanined mom to the bank and went for lunch. Back home with lots of stuffs, tidy up my cupboard. =) Send my calculator for repair, but it can't be repaired. Bought multi-column pad, pay my internet bill n m back home with running nose n headache. Pandadol doesn't work on me. Feeling so giddy, sick
For the past few days, m not sure what's the hell that m thinkin n missin our past so much that caused my mood swings. In addition to it m feeling sick, stressed n pressurized. However, m trying hard to fight against my emotion n never 'll I let it to control over me.
I do not wish to do any prediction over here bout my mom's health. We're all still waiting for the report to be mailed. We are trying very hard to ask her go for the op, but I doubt is tough for anyone at home to persuade her.
No work tonight, so sians, tomorrow I think 'll be shutting down. Even more sians. For this month I had already spent 400bucks. Gosh... school fees and handphone bills has not yet been paid. Hell, money is really so hard to earn yet easy to be spent.
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:56
10 May 2006
I should give myself a pat for being a good girl to finish up all homework in school. Just finished counter checking my answer with friend's one. Alright, is for my revision purpose. =) Brother's going out, that's pretty good, at least I could 've some peace at home to do my revision. But one thing I've got to say, m lending him my adidas jacket which I've bought it for less than a week to Zouk. Cuz he said he looks even more good looking with that jacket. Mom n sis are so worried sick that something will happen to my jacket. Cuz he's blur, he don't 've a habit of wearing jacket, afraid that he might forgets to bring back home. He smoke, afraid might 've a hole on it. Whatever hell shit that really makes me so regret to lend it to him. But that jacket looks better on him than on me. Alright, no matter how he's related to me, if it don't come back in the original way it should be, he shall compensate me. Tomorrow 've a short lesson in school, back home gonna accompany mom's out. At night, most probably will working since Friday's a school holiday.
I hope I'll luv myself more
19:28
09 May 2006
Every new semester starts, I'd be saying "Endless homework, test, n exam". Our campus is consider to be gigantic as I took 1 week just to spot for her in school. And yes, finally I met her this morning when I was going to my taxation lecture. I swear I'll never eat up all chocolates at one go, m having terrible headache now. For the past few days, having flu in class n throat just feel so pain each morning when I woke up. I just hope I'll be having fever soon, so I'll be having a MC n sleep the whole day at home.
Alright, my time is precious. Shall back to homework. Take kaiire everyone. M looking forward to Thursday, that's when I'll meet up with my dearies babes. If Friday having another shutdown, I think 'll be partying with either dearies or c'mates. I miss drinking..
How could I be so forgetful to say this "When in doubt, buy it".
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:17
08 May 2006
First n foremost they're back but still this week gonna be packed with lots of things to do. Out of the blue, I've so much things to pen down. So reader be prepared to read a long-winded entry.
School work's pretty okay, but I think all lecturers are too fast for me. Some how, I couldn't catch up during lesson time. And I've got no time to do my revision until.. perhaps this Sunday. I really so afraid that I really couldn't hang on any more especially mom's health is in critical condition. She needs an operation too. When I came across this news, my eyes just being wetted up by tears, n this question "why" came across my mind. I not dare to raise this matter to any of my friend and there isn't any much thing that they can do to help me. Dad's everyday only 've the thought of suciding and using his life to clear all his debts, possible? Sigh... can someone teach me to be optimistic?
For this past few days, life without mummy with me is really so though. Morning was smsing my friend, telling her that I miss my mom, I really missed her so much that my tears just burst out. So much things happening, I can't manage it all by myself but who else is there to help, to support, to lighten my burden?
I've got no mood to do my accounting homework, not even to pack my bag. And I bought the new calculator, n I've got no idea how to key in the %. Hais...
S day passes by, more n more I feel like giving up my studies. But I know, mom 'll never agree.
I hope I'll luv myself more
22:05
07 May 2006
Being woke up my brother, cuz he's told to do so. M feeling so excited, can't wait to fetch my beloved cousins that's why m awake @ 6am when the weather is so cooling this morning. Alright, m gonna finish up my costing homework s well s all the scribbled notes in my assignment books to neat n meticulous. I miss my mummi, aha... is early and for sure she's still sleeping like a piggy... knorhx, knorhx..
Alright, next Sunday is Mother's Day. Brining my parents out to eat, hopefully she's willing to go. N I've got to praise myself giving up my seat in the mrt that day. N that elder was asking me to sit when he alighted. That day went to orchard with Hau's my stupid shoe laces untied, and I was reminded by so many passer-by to get it tied. Recalled when I'm working, baby kino n bitchy mable actualli tied it for me, argh.. so pai sey. Cuz they really cannot stand the duration that I took to tie a nice ribbon yet untied every 2 steps. Hur2.
`Updated_
M finally settle down from all shopping. N yes I gotten my adidas jacket at a bargained price of 86bucks, is worth and is the last piece n sad to say, I didn't ge the desire one, but it doesn't matter much 'bout the colour, cuz I m going for the old fashioned design.
Tomorrow gonna be a tiring day for me again. Sians.
I hope I'll luv myself more
07:16
06 May 2006
Mom's back to Malaysia again n I was so darn bored @ home all cuz of another stupid shutdown day due to the election, sigh.
Tomorrow my cousins are coming out to S'pore s they missed me so much, ahem. So m bringing em to tour around and intro some nice food to em and of course, I've got to pay for them s they're my guests afterall. N to add on, m willing to buy each of em any dress they picked s a gift fer em.
After tomorrow, I think I should really learn to control my finance.
============Friday's Entry===========
I do not know what's biting my sis, and yes we quarrelled because of her fark up attitude.
I know I won't be a good mother but at least, I'll shower my baby with loves, giving he/she `e basic needs n giving he/she e best stuffs that I can afford to buy.
===========Thurs updates===========
I keep my promise, I went to school and I did all the assignments given. m such a good girl.Work was heavy that night but I enjoyed.
Alright 've got to finish up all my work cuz m predicting that tomorrow gonna be a tiring day for me.
============lil' updates============
Having sore throat n that weather's making me feeling so sick, `m down w flu. `m feeling so sleepy, homework left untouch, sigh.
I hope I'll luv myself more
20:41
04 May 2006
"ve a nice afternoon with Hau's and yes we went to haunt for the adidas jacket but all outlets were telling me that they no longer take in that design. Alright, I think m giving up. Aniwae, I had my lunch with her at the Thai Restaurant @ Far East is darn duper nice, e hor fun. And shopped till now, then I just reached home. I was complaining the lecturers, saying she was hmm, ehh, uhh... to mom and she saw my tongue piercing. Alright, serve me right for complaining lots lots. Hees... she didn't scold but nag a lil', just a lil'. And now, m going to work. People out here, listen up, m not skipping lesson. Take a look of the schedule that I planned:
8.30am - Shower
9.00am - Prepare for school
9.30am - Out to school
11am - Accounting lesson
1pm - Journey back home
2.30pm - Shower
3pm - Sleep
6.30pm - Dinner
7pm - Out to work
Heh*2, such a good girl bahs. Alright, m making sure that I do my accounting homework late. Hmm, m running late. Tata, offline to bathe.
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:01
03 May 2006
I start to dislike drinking milo early in the morning s my breakfast due to the thick substances that stays in my tongue. N with that piercing I can't even clean it off with the tongue cleaner, and it smells terribly sucks. (Morning I just have the sudden thought of blogging it down immediately when I'm on my way to school)
I just wanna say, is just the second day of school and yes `m given 2 assignments. Well, s compare to secondary school days, is just a minor assignment which can be completed within half an hour or even lesser. But s compared to the previous semester, I think is too heavy for everyone of us. S we were all having sweet honeymoon period... sigh.
No matter what electives that I've choosen, I must do all my very best.
Oh well, I've lots more to blog about but I think i'll do it tomorrow instead. S `m most probably if girls not going out to haunt for my adidas jacket, I think 'll be home by 1.30pm. Yes, I think I can once more, nap till evening and wake up for a jog.
I hope I'll luv myself more
18:18
02 May 2006
It a brand new semester and yes `m gonna study hard, that's what I used to say to myself for each new semester. Alright. But it seems like I no longer able to keep my promise. 1st day of school is freaking hell bored to me and the lecturer conducted the lecture as if she's chasing after train, darn fast, m catching a lil' but all notes were scribbled and I really can't be bother to re-write everything all over again since it wasn't a complete note. And I spotted some babes in my new class but still I don't like the new class at all, I still prefer the problematic UQ0504F... assorted attitude that really make a BIG different. Skipped AA [Advance Accounting] since notes has not yet be printed or rather collected for us. So what's the point of going to the class without your note?
Went to meet my sister at Evolution Hub, she was doing her hair cutting and rebonding again. She's currently waiting to get in to another new engineering company and yes, it has been one month vacation for her and I think she had already spent approximately a K near 2? Gosh... she's going for her car lessons almost everyday from morning till late evening, that's why. Hais. And yes I've been waiting for her for hours, about 4hours just to get her rebonding done. N we headed to JP to pay up the electricity bills. Had my dinner with her and so suay that her hubby called, and yes they argued and quarrel over the phone. So sickening that spoilt my appetite. Sians... and looking at my mom n dad, sis n her hubby, I think i'll rather choose to be single for the rest of my life. Oh well, no one will ever wants me. =)
Alright, `m gonna say... I really dislike to eat @ hawker, the free smell you gonna get on your hair, shirts, bag is really strong. Sick! But on the other hand, I couldn't afford to eat at restaurant. Stop my craps...
Tomorrow gonna be a long day for me, I hope my hair will get dry soon. So that I can 've an early night.
=O I forgotten that I've got to do my finance calculation before I can turn in. Sians. N never forgets to tidy up my things on the table as well as getting necessary things to be packed into school bag. S well s, not forgetting to drop my beloved grand daughter a testi before sleep.
The class that I misses so much was in CTOB... where I meet up with all old friends for lunch
I hope I'll luv myself more
22:39
01 May 2006
Just reached home m feelin so damn dead beat. Basically accompanied Kel to shop for the whole afternoon @ sim lim with the fucking hell weather. N for the first time, m wearning polo with short pant cum slipper to orchard, can you imagine? Aha... yes we did. The weather's too warm for me to wear jean/skirt... just can't be bother.
I remembered that there's this foreigner who has accidentally stepped on my toe. And yes m saying that she isn't a singaporean, otherwise, I wouldn't be shouting just a "ouch". =) Anyway, the whole shopping trip is fun just a lil' warm cum tiring. And I gotten a tiramisu stick from Kel, a treat... thanks... smuackiex.
After which I went to meet my dearies... and yes... they were late fer 15-20mins and yes I got pissed off. Sians... I can't afford to wait for others. I showed my attitude, but rather calm after the toilet visit. Alright, dearies please don't let me wait for so long again.
I saw lil' Bern while waiting for them, and she did comment "Lian ley" and went off with her friend/cousin [forgotten] aha... and I saw her again when I was in the Q waiting for bus to go home. Haha... chatted a lil'... kinda miss her...
And now... I'm dying to sleep... tata.
I didn't saw the adidas jacket that I want @ heeren lers... n m making sure that i'll haunt and get it this coming Sunday.
I hope I'll luv myself more
20:49
Finally `m done with the basic editing to my friendster, =) Should play around when I'm more free. Is Monday so m going back to school tomorrow morning. Not feeling any excitement at all perhaps will be declaring an extension holiday, it all depends. Mom's urging me to 've my hair trimmed but I said, I'll trim it on Saturday so 'll be keeping the money for school fees.
These few days brother wasn't home, I'm feeling darn duper good. Not sure if `m meeting Kel for shopping late s she's unwell. Hope she get well soon. Aniway, 'll be meeting my dearies for dinner in `e evenin. =D
I hope I'll luv myself more
01:59
